Danny, Isla and I are on the airplane heading home right now. We’re wearing tank tops with sweatshirts tied around our waists because we know the party (aka sunshine) is over.
Last night as I was giving Isla a bath, I was also putting our packed-to-the-brim suitcases out in the living room. I was going over the morning plan in my head, because we were leaving early and I wanted to make sure we had everything.
I thought of my parents dropping us off at the airport, rinsed Isla’s hair, imagined them driving away, scrubbed her brown little feet that are caked with dirt, and began to cry. Why? Because the thought of my parents dropping me off somewhere and them not coming with me is almost more than this 31 year 343 day old girl can handle. I went into the living room and told my parents and Danny to always remind me of MY TRUTH. (I’ll tell you what it is in a minute).
You see, Danny and my mom and dad were not shocked at all at my crying. In fact, they’re used to it. Here’s 2 examples of why.
1993 (I was 8 years old): My family was going to Hawaii for vacation and for some reason we were all leaving a couple of days apart. My mom and Nicole went to Oahu first, Linds and I were coming a few days later. My dad dropped us off at the airport and was going to come last, just a couple of days after us. This was back in the day when my dad could walk Linds and I all the way to the plane. We boarded, I had the window seat. I looked out at the large gate window and saw my Dad standing there. I started sobbing, hysterically. I just couldn’t handle the feeling that we were separating. Poor Lindsay had to console me for the next 6 hours.
2014 (I was 28 years old): On the last day of our Disneyland trip (with my whole family) I was pushing baby Isla’s stroller through downtown Disney. Danny was at ESPN zone with my dad and brother-in-law’s. They had music playing loudly on the street and Beyonce’s “Halo” came on. Once again, I started crying. Why? Because I didn’t want vacation to be over, I didn’t want to have to go to work without my family, I didn’t want to leave Disneyland and because I just love Danny so dang much and it felt like “baby, I could see his halo, halo, haloooooo.” (Even I realized how ridiculous this was).
So, here’s what Oprah Winfrey would call my truth, what I know about myself and is unchangeable…….I love my family and never want to be far from them. So, the next time I dream of moving to Texas (I am the only one in the family that has never moved away but I dream about moving all the time because we could buy the cutest little farmhouse and have horses for like $100,000) or the next time I think it’s a good idea to go to school or get a job across the country because that would be an adventure, please, please, please, remind me of what we all already know. That I can’t even imagine my parents dropping me off at the airport or hear a Beyonce song without crying. What can I say, it’s who I am, and I’m pretty sure turning 32 in a week and a half isn’t going to change that.
♡ The adult girl crying because she misses her mommy.